Man with a van

 

A man with van has been and fitted a detachable tow bar to my Fiat 500X.  I may not know what I am doing but I look the part. 

I didn't quite realise it was three hours and three men worth of work plus my lovely new car was practically dismantled.  It gave the neighbours something to talk about though as it all happened on my street.  There was so much commotion and bakewell tarts, you could be excused for thinking it was a street party.

I did ask about the fridge but my 4 year old grandson possibly understood more than I did when the man tried to explain to me how it was all connected.  All I know is that I will need to go to an empty car park somewhere no one knows me and practice putting the damn thing on and off!

Anoraks and white gloves

I have just caught up with 'Caravanner of the Year' and a series called 'Camping'.  The two could not be more different.  One is 'adult humour' and one is a competition.  On both are organisers with lists.

I like a list.  I even love a list.  I have little notebooks 'thinky thoughts', 'little lists' etc. which I keep in my bag to hand.  I could even be described as slightly obsessed with new things and I do like a tidy house but, this was lists and obsessions on a whole different level.

I loved it!

I found the whole thing highly amusing especially the manoeuvre challenge.  I didn't know whether to panic or just decide there and then that I will never reverse whilst towing the caravan and I certainly will not drive up a grassy embankment. 

It seems that the programme has prompted controversy amongst Caravan Club members with cries of mockery and stereotypes but the classic T2 VW splitscreen camper with an Eriba Puck was hardly stereotypical.

The rolled up underwear and colour coded labels was just an added thrill.

Think British Bake Off without cakes.





    

Beached whale

I am not quite clear if I am a solo traveller by choice or design. 

My teenage granddaughter likes to come on trips with me but my youngest daughter makes comments like ' that will not be happening any time soon mum'.  This is based on more than a few holidays that have not quite gone to plan.  I asked her today how would she sum up our holidays together and she replied 'ummm'.

A great example is Marrakech.

I should have known it was not written in the stars when she gave me the wrong dates for her annual leave and I had to rebook the flights and accommodation and then we nearly missed our flight after waiting in the wrong departure lounge.  That actually was not my fault. 

The riad was beautiful but forget that, the markets and the sunshine because all she remembers is the spa.

I thought that we should experience a traditional, authentic hammam massage.  It was described as a 'magic treatment' and included an entire body exfoliation and deep cleansing.  My daughter was initially obsessed with not being naked during this experience but later said that was the least of her worries.   It started with us having to strip, put on paper thongs, dressing gown and slippers.  I, apparently, put the thongs on the wrong way.  We were then taken to a room which looked a little like a mortuary or a butcher shop  i.e. it was a wet room with two marble like slabs, and instructed to each take off our robes and lie on one of the slabs.  At this point, I have to say I am a giggler.  Any situation that makes me nervous makes me giggle and this was definitely one of those situations. 

A woman came in and started to rub me all over with black soap.  When I say rubbed me all over, I mean this woman rubbed parts of my body that have never before been rubbed.  I also never realised before just how many positions the human body can be manipulated into.  In addition, the more soap that she rubbed onto my skin, the more slippery the surface and I became.  As I had nothing to grip onto I started to slide everywhere. After trying to grip onto the slap with my fingernails, I realised that I couldn't see because soap was in my eyes and tried to find some water to rinse my eyes out by groping along the wall.  The woman saw me and immediately fired water at me using a giant shower head.  She then stood me up, lathered me and then rubbed me all over with oil.  Once again...slippy.  My daughter said she made the mistake of opening her eyes at this point .....her head was positioned at my feet.  It was not a pleasant sight and that is not the mother and daughter experience I was aiming for.

At this point I resembled some kind of beached whale.  My daughter on the other hand was sitting in the lotus position, graceful and sylphlike.  The woman was gently massaging her with oils and washing her hair.

The next stage was for us to be left relaxing, allow the oils to soothe our weary muscles and then be massaged.  It was also at this stage that I realised that I had booked the 4-hand massage and that meant 2 people.  I can count, I just didn't add up.

We were shown into a tent like area where we were served mint tea and biscuits.  My daughter at this stage refused to look at me even though I offered her my biscuit.  When she finally spoke to me it was to order me to explain to anyone who would listen that we only wanted a 2-hand massage and in different rooms.  Fortunately, my broken French did manage to convey this message clearly.

My daughter skyped her siblings and father that night who all commiserated with her and shook their heads at me.

It was also on the Marrakech trip that I informed my daughter that in Marrakech, a popular way to get around is by foot and by a petit taxi.  My understanding was that this was similar to the tuk-tuks used in Thailand.  So, one evening I hailed a petit taxi to take us back to the riad.  It was quite difficult to get into and I had to be helped up.  We then didn't actually have a seat to sit on and it did smell a bit but it did the job and took us back through the narrow streets safely.  On arrival at the riad, the owner and the driver found the whole thing hysterically funny as I had just paid some meat van delivery man to give us a ride
   

   

In the mood

I don't want to exaggerate but this is beginning to feel like the Great Interior Design Challenge. 

Bearing in mind the caravan measures a paltry 170cm wide by 370cm length (including the front hitch) and nothing is being changed to interior layout, you would think that the task of choosing fabric and colour would be easy.  By the way, I do not know what a 'front hitch' is.

I started a mood board which is a little 'Orla Kiela meets Scandi however, unsure if this is now the


'look' I want.

I have received upholstery fabric samples from Modelli fabrics which I love especially Nappa 2258 (Indigo Grey) and Nappa 2257 (Royal Blue) and I am definitely going to use blue and yellow in the colour scheme. 

I need to decide on my 'look' 



I really do not want 'twee' and although I want to respect the age of caravan, I am not into a psychedelic 60's look.  I did some research into bohemian interior design and found the article '20 amazing Bohemian Chic Interiors' at www.architectureartdesigns.com great for ideas.  The description of bohemian as a word used to describe wanderers and vagabonds is very apt but I think what is appealing to me is the strong different colours used.

I would love to go to a colour workshop but worried it is all people who know what they are doing e.g. design students, artists and professionals. 


The winner of the Great Interior Design Challenge (Sarah Mitchenall) has nothing to fear and the Black Parrot Studio Pinterest and Intstagram posts are great for inspiration.

At least the fridge will work

I am getting a tow bar fitted onto my lovely new Fiat 500X.  I thought it would be straightforward i.e. phone up, say I need a tow bar and arrange date and time.  No.  I was asked all sorts of complicated questions about electrics and the only question I could answer reliably was that I would have a fridge.  I have no idea what the fridge has to do with the tow bar nor do I know the difference between a single 7pin or 13pin socket.  I think it had something to do with the brake lights and indicators which obviously, I want to work.  The man is coming on Monday to fit a detachable tow bar and I am pretty sure he will have to show me a few times how to detach and attach.  I had a quick look on You Tube and it is not easy.

I have also booked myself onto a ‘Practical Caravanning Course’ for next weekend and extremely nervous about it.  It is advertised as both enjoyable and informative, lasts for ten hours and promises to have me full of confidence by day 2.  I need to check my car insurance is valid for these kind of things.

Nora pumps weights

I am not going to be lifting any barbells and racks but I have been reliably informed that my current car (Ford Fiesta Style) will not tow the weight of a pram never mind a caravan.

My painful research included joining an Eriba owners forum where I pretended to know what I was doing, asked a question about tow weights and didn’t understand any of the answers.  I then joined the Eriba Puck group on Facebook where the answers made much more sense e.g. ‘my car is tiny….someone will probably give you a much better answer but essentially that’s it’.  Essentially, that was all I needed. 

I get it that the caravan shouldn’t be too heavy but I really do not have a clue what 1kg weighs never mind 1,200 so to then add brakes and kerbs into the conversation is way over my head.  I looked up ‘how much does a kettle weigh’ for comparison and a Delonghi Electric Kettle apparently weighs 5.5 pounds which, according to a conversion chart, is 2.50kg so effectively, I can have about 200 kettles in the caravan.   That should be fine.

So, I am off to my local Fiat garage to buy a Fiat 500X (it is the fatter version of the Fiat 500)

 

 

It is Abu Dhabi all over again

Greta is an Eriba Puck 1960 something model (I am a ’59) and needs to be renovated both inside and out (so do I).  I am not doing any of the work myself but have left her in the very capable hands of a local vintage caravan restoration company.  That has allowed me the time to write lots of lists, trawl through Pinterest and Instagram and come up with a few ideas for the final spec.

 

My first thoughts were to keep her as original as possible and stay away from Cath Kidston fabric and with great excitement I started a mood-board influenced by Scandinavian design but, after purchasing a couple of cushions in the Graham & Green sale, I am now thinking bohemian with some French vintage curtain fabric.   I have been inspired by the colours used by Sophie Robinson in her own home and the vintage fabric supplied by Donna Flower Vintage. 

This (spending money and choosing pretty colours), is the easy bit but I am beginning to sense a very familiar feeling of panic.

I joined the Caravan Club and I was getting very excited about my future travels until I received my membership card and a book called ‘Essential Guide to Touring’.  The first thing I read was ‘a properly matched outfit should be capable of starting on a slope of 1.6 (16%) from a standstill on a normal road surface’!  What?  The other advice that glared out at me was (in capital letters) ‘BEFORE YOU VENTURE BENEATH A CARAVAN, IT IS VITALLY IMPORTANT IT IS ADEQUATELY SUPPORTED’.  I repeat…what?  Why would I go underneath the caravan and what do they mean a properly matched vehicle?