Double the food budget

I have promised to take my 15yr old granddaughter to Amsterdam to celebrate her forthcoming 16th birthday. 

Years of experience of travelling with teenagers has taught me this:

1.  Do not expect conversation




2.  Take a good book with you (see point 1 above)


3.  Plan where to eat beforehand as a hungry teenager is not pleasant.  3(a) Double whatever you have budgeted for food and drink


4.  Plan your day carefully and remember that you will be awake at dawn and want to go to bed at 8pm whilst the teenager will want to sleep till noon and be awake till midnight


5.  Take two good books with you (see points 1, 2 and 4 above)


6.  Leave sufficient time each day for the teenager's shower, hair and make up ritual (take careful note of point 4 above as this could mean you do not leave the hotel until 2.30pm)



7.  Take some magazines with you (see points 6, 5, 4, 2 and 1 above)


8.  You may be visiting one of the most photographed cities in the world but although the teenager will take lots of photographs,  it will not be of the architecture, canals and bridges.  The photographs will be self portraits known as 'selfies'.  These will be shared via twitter, Facebook and Instagram at ten minute intervals


9.  Check once, twice and even a third time that wherever you are going has Wi-Fi (see points 1 and 8 above) 


10.  Remember that teenagers cannot walk very far and need refuelling every 15mns (see point 3 above).  Use food and shopping as incentives for walking more than half a mile (pack snacks)


11,  Do not try to be clever.  Keep it simple.  Your attempts at trying to speak the local language will not be appreciated by the teenager who will see this as a direct attempt to humiliate and embarrass him/her.   


12. Upon your arrival home you may feel despair that the teenager had the most awful time with you but through the world of social media and not conversation (see points 1 and 9 above  above), you will learn that the teenager had the most amazing trip ever.  You will not need to tell anyone where you went as you appear to have checked in everywhere on Facebook. 

If life gives you limes, make Margaritas

My sister is very lucky to live in Florida and I am very lucky to be able to visit her and use her spare bedroom.  On my recent trip she persuaded me to go on a 2 night Bahamas cruise despite the fact that both of us suffer from sea sickness and do not like sailing.  We survived the experience by taking more than the recommended dosage of travel sickness pills, drinking Margaritas and a cocktail known as Bahama Breeze. 




She also persuaded me to do a solo trip to Key West.  Before I could finish my cocktail, I had booked the Tri-Rail to Miami and my seat on the Greyhound bus to Key West.  I did think about staying at a hostel but sobered up enough to book a Bed and Breakfast place in the Old Town. 






The Tri-Rail fare cost under $10 (return trip) and the Greyhound cost $70 (return trip).  I was very disappointed by the customer service and facilities offered by the Greyhound Bus.  My impression of travel in the USA has always been one of really good service but the staff were rude and unhelpful plus only one vending machine was available at the bus station.  The bus made a stop at a Burger King which was a little underwhelming. 





Key West was fun.  It oozes history, quirkiness and charm.  I took the Conch Tour Train which was a great way to explore and see the main attractions.  You can feel the strong connection between history and culture and I loved seeing and hearing about it all.  The architecture is amazing with wooden houses built on posts. 




The one mile famous Duval Street felt safe and welcoming to a solo traveller.  I ate and drank at Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville, popped into Sloppy Joe's for a cocktail then gate-crashed a drag queen's rehearsal at Aqua.  It was either Happy Hour or the drinks were very cheap but either way, I was made to feel very welcome.



No trip to Key West is complete without joining the crowd at Mallory Square for the Sunset Celebration.  Legend has it that Tennessee Williams initiated the ritual of celebrating the sunset with a gin and tonic in his hand however, even with my Starbucks, I appreciated the view. 

I do not know what happens to me when I leave home.  I appear to leave all sense and reason at the airport and do things I would not normally do.  I do not go to bars on my own at home, I do not swim in hotel pools alone at midnight and I do not sing with drag queens.  Actually, I would sing with a drag queen given any opportunity whether home or away but I definitely don't do the other stuff.
On my own, away from home I do it all and Key West was the best of places to do it in.

Is that safe?

There is a saying in the Bahamas 'don't let your mouth carry you where your foot can't bring you back from'.  I think that may also apply to putting yourself into situations you can't get out of!


One minute I was enjoying a Mojito in the hotel pool and next I am up in the air ready to puke the aforementioned cocktail.  All I said was 'I've never been paragliding' which prompted my action girl sister to drag me along to a group of men smoking dope and paying them money to strap me into a harness.

I am not a Health and Safety fanatic but correct me if I am wrong, paragliding is an 'extreme sport' so should some sort of risk assessment not have been carried out?  I was a bit concerned no-one weighed me to see if the boat I would be attached to could actually carry me.

I was taken out to a rickety, wooden platform in the middle of the sea used for fishing where two sleeping men were rudely awakened, jumped up and attached my harness to the 'line'.  I am really not the most co-ordinated of people and the three minute instructions given on take-off and landing positions was simply not sufficient. 

On take-off, I felt the crunch of my toe and my stomach did several somersaults as I was lifted higher and higher over the Caribbean Sea.  I was just about to puke when everything suddenly became calm and I thought 'wow'.  It was amazing.  The views were amazing.  The feeling of absolute stillness was amazing.  The warmth of the sun as I floated above was amazing.  The broken toe was throbbing but I didn't care. 

6 slices of gammon

I connect my love of travelling and storytelling with my upbringing. 

By far the greatest influence in my life has been my grandmother and her two sisters.  They were born in the early 1900s and were far from traditional housewives.  Raised in the tenements of Glasgow which have either now been demolished or refurbished into very desirable accommodation, they were very proud of their working class identity.  Although, at the time, women were very much associated with domesticity, the three sisters challenged quite a few preconceptions and instilled in me a strong work ethic, a commitment to education and a sense of humour.

In the late 60's, they each bought a static caravan and sited it at The Red Lion Caravan Site at Arbroath.  This caravan site was directly opposite the West Sands beach which hosted a variety of fun filled attractions such as the miniature railway, miniature buses, a fire engine, trampolines and crazy golf.  Arbroath was quite a popular holiday destination in the 60's and 70's despite the weather!  In the early 80's, I took my own three eldest children to their great-grandmother's caravan and they played on the same beach and swam in the same outdoor swimming pool. 

There is a notion that Scots are a friendly bunch but the competition that existed on that caravan site would have put the recent BBC2 Caravanner of the Year to shame.  Throughout the years, the caravans got bigger as did the funky floral patterns and colour schemes and having a key role in the site owners club was the true measure of success.   My great-aunt became the club secretary much to the annoyance of my grandmother who accused her of being too full of her own importance.  This was around the same time that my grandmother refused to have Spam in the house as it was 'cheap' meat and tried to introduce my grandfather to culinary delights such as a starter of peaches, gammon and salad cream (I kid you not).  We (my cousins and I) also had the most painfully embarrassing experience of being made to eat a home-made curry outside in an attempt to embrace diversity.  My grandfather refused to eat the rice because that was a 'pudding' and the neighbours found the whole thing highly entertaining. 

Annie's recipe for starter

Tin half peaches
6 slices gammon not Spam
Salad cream

Drain peaches
Place in top of paper towel to dry out
Cube the gammon, add salad cream

Serve with a piece of lettuce and tomato
Place peach on a plate and pore mixture over the peach

Ta da!

The Winter Gardens

My first trip abroad was in 1976 to South Africa.   Holidays prior to that included Great Yarmouth, Scarborough, Margate, Blackpool and Arbroath. 


The annual holiday was taken during the 'Glasgow Fair Fortnight' when businesses and factories would close for two weeks in July.  You would then see coach after coach of holidaymakers leaving Glasgow on their way to Saltcoats or further afield to England. 

There was a frenzy of excitement in our house leading up to 'Fair Friday' .  Suitcases lay open for several weeks beforehand with summer outfits being folded and packed on a daily basis until we had no clothes left to wear.  My grandfather came home from work at lunchtime, had a bath (this was significant as baths were normally taken on a Sunday) and then changed into a 1960's Hawaiian shirt (apparently this is now a popular vintage collector item) and a pair of lightweight trousers declaring himself ready!  A couple of flasks were made up; one containing tomato soup and one chicken soup and we were off.

The overnight journey seemed to take forever with several toilet stops made on the way (buses did not have on board facilities).  There was also a distinct lack of motorway.  Scottish people like to sing and I can remember falling asleep to what felt like 'Sounds of the Sixties'.

We stayed at the same B&B in Cliftonville for years and the daily pattern never seemed to change.  I don't recall my grandparents owning a camera but we had lots of holiday snaps.  These were mainly taken by commercial photographers who took lots of photographs of holidaymakers as they walked along the prom. Often taken with pet monkeys and parrots (don't ask). 


I spent most of my time at the Lido swimming pool or on the beach and at night after dinner (always announced by a gong - in fact, at the same time in each B&B - it was like a seaside symphony orchestra/percussion section), we went to a live entertainment show. Singing Edelweiss at a talent show was my introduction to interactive entertainment. Who knew I would end up singing 🎶 at a karaoke bar in Key West with a drag queen.





I recently visited Margate with high expectations that all the familiar paths walked in my childhood would still be there. The Winter Gardens looked grey and old but it felt comfortable like going to visit an elderly relative that you are particularly fond of. I could see my grandparents with their best clothes ready for a 'show'. I remember having a little autograph book to collect the signatures of the famous variety acts.

I was only there for a few hours. I sat in a cute cafe in the developing old town, had a coffee then browsed around the trendy shops. There was not a stalk of rock or 'kiss me quick ' hats in sight. Margate and I had grown up. There seems to be much to do to polish and prune this seaside town and I look forward to going back again soon to support this and keep in touch with the old dear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gareth and Gertie go caravanning

BBC2 Carvanner of the Year

Episode 1/2 was funny
Episode 2/2 was slightly concerning

Steam nettle and bacon soup was served up by one couple (Angela had said to Keith that she wanted him to be more spontaneous)
Stuffed animals dressed up for the 'party' (as well as the owner)

It had all the makings of another kind of party.....the kind with a bowl for swapping car keys

David and mum who lost last week came back anyway (poor David and Gwyneth) 'it's bringing back memories' he said.....it was only last week ......'we are disappointed' said Gwyneth 'but we are not bitter' - I had a sneaky feeling they were very bitter and would sabotage the party if they could

Innuendos like 'he knows how to handle his long outfit' permeated throughout and I half expected Barbara Windsor to pop in (actually I wish she had)

When Anne said 'you have cocked this right up now', I hope she was talking to The Caravan Club as I thought 'exactly'

I think they should do a 'Worse Caravanner of the Year

Spoiler Alert:  Gareth and Gertie won 

I'm going to smoke weed with G'ma

Advice from Lonely Planet (www.lonelyplanet.com/May2016)
'Remember: café means pub throughout the Netherlands; a 'coffeeshop' is where one procures marijuana.  If you do decide to visit one of Amsterdam's coffeeshops, keep in mind the following: ask at the bar for the menu of goods on offer, usually packed in small bags; don't light up anywhere beside a coffeeshop without checking that it's okay to do so; alcohol and tobacco products are not permitted in coffeeshops.'

So, what is a café called that sells coffee and tea?



I need to get this right as I have promised to take my 15yr old granddaughter to Amsterdam in May and she has informed her friends and family that she is going to 'smoke weed with G'ma'.  Obviously intended as a joke but I find her interest in the 'bruin café' a little disconcerting and knowing my luck, that is exactly where we will end up!

I am also mindful that the last time I visited Amsterdam (she was just a baby), I mistakenly bought my son a t.shirt that had a picture of a cannabis leaf on the front.
I was working with local schools and Police at the time so not really appropriate 😓